Utilize this rule in the beginning of the dating game. It’s a type of weeding out process to find out if your love interest can go the distance. The dating rule of 3 consists of:
1) Short 30 min meet-n-greets for blind introductions: When you have been chatting with someone online and you take it offline to meet them in person; do a short initial meeting to make sure the person represented themselves online accurately. Also to see if there’s chemistry and if you would like to go out with them on an actual “first date”. I say first date, because the initial meet-n-greet is not a date. It’s a short encounter for that very purpose to see if you want to go on a longer 2-3 hour date with them. Now-a-days it seems many people misrepresent themselves online, so utilize the short 20-30 minute weeding out process first.
2) After 3 actual dates you should know if this is someone you want to pursue further or not: If the initial 30 min meet-n-greet goes well, then you proceed onto actual dates. After being on 3 dates you should know if this is someone you are interested in pursuing for a longer term relationship. If after 3 dates you are still unsure about this person and your feelings for them, then move on. It shouldn’t take that long to know if you are into someone or not. If you have any doubts or cannot say 100% you really want to go out with them a 4th time, just end it right then and there. You should be so excited to see the person a 4th time you can’t wait to schedule it. If you are not, maybe the chemistry just isn’t there. It’s better to just move on to find someone that makes you giddy with butterflies in your stomach. If you’re not having that “feeling” 3 dates in, then you probably never will.
3) You’re exclusive and have been dating for 3 months, how do you feel now? Is your relationship continually budding and the more you get to know this person the more you fall in love with them? Or are you now second guessing yourself, their actions and not sure if you can go the distance with them? The 3 month mark is another dating milestone. If you are having doubts at this point in the game or have already lost that “honeymoon stage” feeling, it’s probably time to move on. You should first address your concerns with your partner. See if they are legit or just manufactured insecurities you have within yourself. Such as do you really want to get married and have kids and your lover doesn’t? That’s a major life decision and if you two are at a crossroads now, it’s not going to get better with time. These are big decisions, yet you should be on the same path. If you know this person isn’t the one to go the distance with, it’s better to cut it off now while the relationship is still new and feelings won’t be too hurt. When you’re spending time with Mr. Wrong or Mr. OK For Now, you are losing time to find Mr. Right For You. There’s also nothing wrong with being completely honest in what you want out of a partner and life. Just because you say you want kids as an option, doesn’t mean you are pressuring him to commit and have kids right now. You just want to let him know this is what you want & you want a partner who wants the same in the future.
4) 3 strikes you’re out: This is a rule I created in my first book, “10 Rules to Survive the Dating Jungle”. This you can utilize during anytime in the dating process as a weeding out tool. It’s basically to pick out negative behaviors. If the person you’re dating is displaying strange demeanor or does something that makes you second guess yourself, keep track in your head or on a piece of paper. For instance if a guy/ girl cancels a date at the very last minute, strike 1. Things happen, plans change, no biggie. Yet, if it happens a 2nd time they are walking on thin ice, it happens a 3rd time, buh bye, 3 strikes you’re out! That other person obviously doesn’t value you or your time. Why would you want to be with someone who takes you for granted? This rule also helps you establish your boundaries so people don’t walk all over you. Sometimes you don’t even need 3 strikes to throw them out of the game. For instance, lying and or cheating. 1st time cheating your out! Lying is also a very bad trait. If you catch them once in the act, identify it, call them out on it. 2nd time do the same again & warn them you don’t deal with liars. The next time you’re done with them. You’ve established you’re boundaries and ground rules and they know. 3rd time they lie, stick to your guns and dump their ass. You deserve to be with someone who loves you and treats you with respect & lying is neither of those qualities. I’m sure they will beg you to forgive them, yet if a person does something 3 times it’s in their DNA & most likely won’t change. Save yourself the heartache and move on.
Make use of the Dating Rule of 3 to help you navigate the dating jungle and find the right one for you!
Tara Richter is an Internet Dating Coach in Tampa Bay. She is the author of “The Dating Jungle Series” and an Internet TV Show Host.