Everyone can put on their best behavior in the beginning, the true test is when difficult times and chaos arise; that will show someone’s true colors. Remember to keep your head on straight and your feet on the ground!
The 3 Date Rule
If you’ve been out on 3 dates and you’re just not sure if you’re feeling it, move on. It shouldn’t take that long to discover if you’re attracted to someone or not. There’s no point in continuing to date someone if the chemistry isn’t there. They may be the sweetest guy in the world or the nicest girl, but if it doesn’t get your engines going by now it probably won’t ever. Don’t get stuck with Puppy Dog Syndrome (Rule # 5 from my first book. Dating someone you feel sorry for or dating down.)
When you first start dating someone, you may or may not realize you are putting that person through a series of tests. It’s good to see how this person reacts in different situations. Here are a few tests I’ve done with a guy to see if someone can go the distance:
1) The Mall Test –See how long he can stand watching you pick out clothes and trying stuff on. Does he get agitated easily or is he happy to hold your purse for you? If you’re going to be in a long-term relationship with someone you each are going to have to compromise your time. Make sure he’s at least willing to be a good sport for you.
2) The Alcohol Test – This one you probably want to wait until you know the other person fairly well. Act a little foolish, do something kind of stupid in public and see how he reacts. Is he completely embarrassed and ridicule you like a child? Or does he take care of you like a gentleman should? Not everyone is perfect all the time. There may be times when you’re sick, emotional or a little tipsy. You want to know that this guy has your back.
NOTE: Does your date drive you to drink? A key indicator they are not the right person for you is if you have to impair your judgment just to tolerate someone.
3) The Friend Test – Once you decide you do like this person and want to introduce them to your friends, start with a small group setting as to not overwhelm them. See how he treats your friends.
4) The Pet Test – Animals have great instincts. They can sniff out a jerk and can also sense a caring person. If you have a dog, cat or something else, bring your date home and watch how he interacts with them. If your pet really doesn’t like a certain person, the animal’s instincts are probably right.
Signs To Be Aware Of:
Controlling behavior: Are they always excessively calling and/or texting and get upset when you don’t respond right away? Do they always want to know where and who you’re with? Do they get upset when you don’t succumb to their demands? If you feel like you’re constantly struggling in your relationship and they are showing any signs of controlling behaviors, get out.
Manipulating behavior: Do they get inside your head to make you think that your opinions, ideas or thoughts are not logical? Do they keep turning the tables so they always win? Do they deny responsibility for their own behaviors? Don’t allow someone to spin the tables on you. Listen to what makes sense.
Your Dreams: If you’re not sure where your relationship is going, dreams can tell you a lot about what’s going on in your life. When the body rests the subconscious mind will allow thoughts to emerge at night that during the daytime your consciousness will not allow. Relax, stop over thinking and let your mind do the work.
Be happy with yourself. Know deep down inside that you will be good and survive no matter who comes in or out of your life. When you’re secure within yourself you will glow with that self-confidence which attracts other healthy people.
Tara Richter is a Dating Coach in Tampa Bay. She is the author of “The Dating Jungle Series” and a Show Host.