Tag Archives: finding the right website for you

Love Me Tinder

24 Monday Apr 2017

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Recently, one of our team members has been watching the Netflix original series of “Hot Girls Wanted: Turned On.” The series covers pornography, dating apps and how our society views sex in modern times.

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On the second episode, “Love Me Tinder,” a handful of people ranging from their 20’s to 40 and their interaction with dating apps. Some looking for love – others using dating apps for hookups and viewing apps as a superficial way to meet attractive singles. The episode is a reality check to viewers and app users to really know who you are spending your times with.

Tips from certified Dating Coach Tara Richter:

With online dating sometimes you find someone worth hiding your profile for a while to see where and how the relationship develops. Everything seems great at first, then as time passes you begin to notice little quirks about them you can’t stand: how he scraps his fork again the plate while eating and sounds like a bear in hibernation during the night. Finally you decide it just isn’t there like you thought in the beginning. It’s time to have “the talk” and move on. There’s no point (for either person) trying to force something that simply is not there.

 

Internet Dating Rule #8 – Are You Doing THIS Wrong?!

14 Tuesday Mar 2017

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Back on the dating tip track, today we are exploring internet dating rule #8: Going Back on Dating Websites —

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With online dating sometimes you find someone worth hiding your profile for a while to see where and how the relationship develops. Everything seems great at first, then as time passes you begin to notice little quirks about them you can’t stand: how he scraps his fork again the plate while eating and sounds like a bear in hibernation during the night. Finally you decide it just isn’t there like you thought in the beginning. It’s time to have “the talk” and move on. There’s no point (for either person) trying to force something that simply is not there.

It’s time to put your profile back up and start from square one.

When you get back onto dating sites it’s important that you update your profile. Even if it has only been a couple of months, things have changed. Hopefully you have learned from the last relationship so you can better understand what it is you are looking for.

Start with your photos. Even if your weight hasn’t fluctuated or you haven’t drastically changed your hair, fresh pictures are important because it means you are truly representing yourself. (You may think you look the same as you did last summer, but others may beg to differ). Also, posting new photos will most likely attract new people.

Remember to always have at least one close up facial photo and one full length body pose. Wear appropriate clothing too please. If you post a boob shot, or a slutty dress don’t be shocked by emails from guys only interested in one night stands.

Internet Dating Jungle Rule #9: Stop Making Excuses

09 Monday Dec 2013

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TaraRichterDatingCoach6Going back out on the dating jungle is scary, especially if you have been off the market for a while. But if you’re finding it hard to take that jump, you need to remember: stop making excuses and, like Nike says, JUST DO IT! Excuses are just a defense mechanism to put up a wall to not allow someone else in. In order to find love you must first be willing to open yourself up to it. Take your walls down, heal your wounds and start going on dates….and, most importantly, stop with the excuses!

Give someone, anyone a chance. You have to start somewhere. My first date after divorce was a disaster, but that didn’t stop me. It’s a numbers game, but you have to start with the first date. If it doesn’t work out onto the next, that’s called dating. Keep going on dates until you narrow it down by utilizing my weeding out procedures. Just get out there! This should be a fun process getting to meet new people and doing fun stuff.

Be Honest With Yourself

Everyone has a perception of themselves and if someone gives them a reflection they don’t like, they can’t handle it. The truth hurts because we don’t want to accept it. If someone is trying to help you or tell you areas that need improving, try to listen.

For example:; if you’re a guy that finds that after every date you take a woman on she disappears and never returns phone calls or texts, don’t get upset if someone tells you why. At least now you know. Maybe you can take that and turn it into something positive to improve yourself. Nothing is ever lost from an experience. Don’t let your ego get in the way of learning.

If a date doesn’t go well, instead of just ignoring the person let them know. Wouldn’t it be nice to have feedback from your dates versus dead silence? I’m not talking about ill malice type comments, but truthful. If they ask, tell them.

It’s not easy to look in the mirror. But every now and then we have to. Take these experiences to learn and grow. We all go through difficult times in our lives, let’s make the best of them.

Tara Richter

Tara Richter is a Dating Coach in Tampa Bay. She is the author of “The Dating Jungle Series” and a Show Host.

Internet Dating Rule #8: Going Back on Dating Websites

06 Friday Dec 2013

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Amazon CodeWith online dating sometimes you find someone worth hiding your profile for a while to see where and how the relationship develops. Everything seems great at first, then as time passes you begin to notice little quirks about them you can’t stand: how he scraps his fork again the plate while eating and sounds like a bear in hibernation during the night. Finally you decide it just isn’t there like you thought in the beginning. It’s time to have “the talk” and move on. There’s no point (for either person) trying to force something that simply is not there.

It’s time to put your profile back up and start from square one.

When you get back onto dating sites it’s important that you update your profile. Even if it has only been a couple of months, things have changed. Hopefully you have learned from the last relationship so you can better understand what it is you are looking for.

Start with your photos. Even if your weight hasn’t fluctuated or you haven’t drastically changed your hair, fresh pictures are important because it means you are truly representing yourself. (You may think you look the same as you did last summer, but others may beg to differ). Also, posting new photos will most likely attract new people.

Remember to always have at least one close up facial photo and one full length body pose. Wear appropriate clothing too please. If you post a boob shot, or a slutty dress don’t be shocked by emails from guys only interested in one night stands.

Tara Richter

Tara Richter is a Dating Coach in Tampa Bay. She is the author of “The Dating Jungle Series” and a Show Host.

Rule # 7: Is This the One for Me?

26 Tuesday Nov 2013

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TaraRichterDatingCoachEveryone can put on their best behavior in the beginning, the true test is when difficult times and chaos arise; that will show someone’s true colors. Remember to keep your head on straight and your feet on the ground!

The 3 Date Rule

If you’ve been out on 3 dates and you’re just not sure if you’re feeling it, move on. It shouldn’t take that long to discover if you’re attracted to someone or not. There’s no point in continuing to date someone if the chemistry isn’t there. They may be the sweetest guy in the world or the nicest girl, but if it doesn’t get your engines going by now it probably won’t ever. Don’t get stuck with Puppy Dog Syndrome (Rule # 5 from my first book. Dating someone you feel sorry for or dating down.)

Dating Tests

When you first start dating someone, you may or may not realize you are putting that person through a series of tests. It’s good to see how this person reacts in different situations. Here are a few tests I’ve done with a guy to see if someone can go the distance:

1) The Mall Test –See how long he can stand watching you pick out clothes and trying stuff on. Does he get agitated easily or is he happy to hold your purse for you? If you’re going to be in a long-term relationship with someone you each are going to have to compromise your time. Make sure he’s at least willing to be a good sport for you.

2) The Alcohol Test – This one you probably want to wait until you know the other person fairly well. Act a little foolish, do something kind of stupid in public and see how he reacts. Is he completely embarrassed and ridicule you like a child? Or does he take care of you like a gentleman should?  Not everyone is perfect all the time. There may be times when you’re sick, emotional or a little tipsy. You want to know that this guy has your back.

NOTE: Does your date drive you to drink? A key indicator they are not the right person for you is if you have to impair your judgment just to tolerate someone.

3) The Friend Test – Once you decide you do like this person and want to introduce them to your friends, start with a small group setting as to not overwhelm them. See how he treats your friends.

4) The Pet Test – Animals have great instincts. They can sniff out a jerk and can also sense a caring person. If you have a dog, cat or something else, bring your date home and watch how he interacts with them. If your pet really doesn’t like a certain person, the animal’s instincts are probably right.

Signs To Be Aware Of:

Controlling behavior: Are they always excessively calling and/or texting and get upset when you don’t respond right away? Do they always want to know where and who you’re with? Do they get upset when you don’t succumb to their demands? If you feel like you’re constantly struggling in your relationship and they are showing any signs of controlling behaviors, get out.

Manipulating behavior: Do they get inside your head to make you think that your opinions, ideas or thoughts are not logical? Do they keep turning the tables so they always win? Do they deny responsibility for their own behaviors? Don’t allow someone to spin the tables on you. Listen to what makes sense.

Your Dreams:  If you’re not sure where your relationship is going, dreams can tell you a lot about what’s going on in your life. When the body rests the subconscious mind will allow thoughts to emerge at night that during the daytime your consciousness will not allow. Relax, stop over thinking and let your mind do the work. 

Be happy with yourself. Know deep down inside that you will be good and survive no matter who comes in or out of your life.  When you’re secure within yourself you will glow with that self-confidence which attracts other healthy people.

 

Tara Richter

Tara Richter is a Dating Coach in Tampa Bay. She is the author of “The Dating Jungle Series” and a Show Host.

 

Rule #6: Be Safe, Research Your Date

19 Tuesday Nov 2013

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This is something we can and should do throughout everything in our lives especially with dating. Even if you meet a guy/girl in person at a bar, you don’t know who they really are.

When you set up dates make sure to:
• Drive your own car and meet somewhere public
• Tell one of your friends that where going and the name of your date
• Never meet anyone at their house or yours
It’s best to keep meeting in public places until the third date or so, just to make sure you think you know the other person well enough to come and pick you up.

Finding out if Your Date is Safe
There are lots of free resources online, depending on what county you live in, just Google certain items. In most counties you can search criminal files and the jail database. It’s all public information to find out who’s in jail and what crime they are being held for.
You can get more in depth information about the different resources and tools you can use for searching information on people here.

How to Find Out if Someone you Met Online is Married

Unfortunately this happens quit often within the online dating scene. There are signs to tell if the person you are talking to on the internet is married or already in a committed relationship based on behaviors I have witnessed:

  • They don’t have a photo on their profile.
  • They only email you and will not give out their phone number.
  • They give you their phone number, but only call during working hours and disappear after 6 or 7 PM.
  • They will only meet you in secluded paces off the beaten path.
  • They are never available around the holidays.

Utilize these helpful hints if you think they’re might be something suspicious with a person you’re chatting with online or just started dating. The only thing you can always turn to when you have questions is your gut. Trust yourself and your intuitions.

In this day and age of meeting people over the internet, chat rooms and all other methods, you need to make sure to be safe. Making sure that your potential date is not a serial killer might seem a little overboard, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Tara Richter

Tara Richter is a Dating Coach in Tampa Bay. She is the author of “The Dating Jungle Series” and a Show Host.

 

Rule # 5: When to Take it Offline

12 Tuesday Nov 2013

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TaraRichterDatingCoach4If you have finally meet someone you’re interested in and have been communicating with them online or over the phone, it’s time to set up a meet-n-greet. This should be planned within two weeks of talking—don’t wait any longer than that. The reason for this is because, typically, if people spend too long talking through a screen it is hard to determine whether or not you have real chemistry. Sure, you may click—conversation is great, you’re getting along and they are becoming increasingly easier to talk to. But if you prolong this part of the process your image of this person and your (potential) relationship can get easily misconstrued and distorted. Don’t fall victim to this trap. Until you meet someone in person it’s easy to convince yourself they are the perfect person. Sometimes it’s just nice to have someone to talk to. But if you want a real relationship to develop, it’s imperative you take it offline.

Appropriate Meet-n-Greets

I do not consider the initial meet-n-greets actual dates because you do not really know how much you like a person until you meet them offline. These are meet-n-greets, not dates, for a reason. They are supposed to be quick—anywhere between 10 and 30 minutes. You really don’t need more than that to determine if you connect with them. Maybe you go on 10 meet-n-greets before you meet someone you’re interested in going out to dinner with, and that’s fine. It’s part of the process.

Set up a place to meet for coffee or maybe ice cream if you are not a coffee drinker. Although many people like to meet for a drink at a local happy hour, I advise against this. One drink can quickly turn into three and before you know it, your buzz is convincing you that you’re more interested in this person than you really are. Coffee dates don’t long to finish; if you don’t have chemistry you can pay your (very inexpensive) bill and go on your separate ways. If you do hit it off, you can make future plans for a date and have something to look forward to.

The Golden Rule of Meet-n-Greets

An important tip for these dates: make sure to listen to your date. I know, easier said than done—especially if you are someone who talks when they are nervous. But there is a Golden Rule of meet-n-greets (yes, treat them how you want to be treated, but there’s more to it); if you do not feel a connection with the person during this short encounter, don’t make plans for a real date. There are plenty of people out there and it’s important to remember when meeting people and surviving the Dating Jungle that you are never going to meet your Jane/Tarzan if you are too busy settling for the mediocre out of your fear of never finding someone.

Download the entire chapter on Rule #5 on Kindle here

Tara Richter

Tara Richter is a Dating Coach in Tampa Bay. She is the author of “The Dating Jungle Series” and a Show Host.

Internet Dating Rule #4: Initiating Contact Online

05 Tuesday Nov 2013

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cropped-wordpress.jpgOnce you have found a website you are comfortable with and have your profile set up it’s time to start chatting with potential matches. The first thing to remember in this stage is that online dating is not a numbers game. Nothing is worse than getting a mass email from someone; it makes it so obvious they are just blasting out to a bunch of people—and what’s attractive about that? The goal is not to see how many people you can talk to; the point is to find people you are truly compatible with. It could be one person, it could be 15.

Before you message anyone make sure to read their entire bio. Only message a person if there is something in their bio that you liked and stood out to you… and mention that in your message! Another rule (which is generally more aimed at the guys) is don’t be gross or too forward. Starting off messages with “I’d hit that” or anything even in the same ballpark is grounds for immediate rejection, at least in my book.

Make it clear you actually read their profile and found something you have in common. If you want to initiate conversation but are nervous and don’t know where to start, try asking them about their job. People love talking about themselves, and this is probably a great gateway to making them feel comfortable conversing with you.

As with your bio, be conscious of your tone/verbiage. It can sometimes be difficult to pick up on someone’s tone online and it can easily get misinterpreted.

If you are anywhere near decent looking, chances are you are going to be flooded with emails on a daily basis. Set aside certain times throughout the day to check your inbox—no more than 3 times a day. When weeding people out, keep your non-negotiables in mind. If you notice this person has a quality you know you can absolutely not live with (for example, their religion, if that is important to you), delete them and move on. On the contrary, if you are impressed by someone’s email, check out their profile. Read their bio. Does everything they say seem to match with your non-negotiables? Send them a message back.

Remember, you should be taking time to get to know people and talk to people, even if they don’t seem like your type. Try new things! But don’t bother responding to people you know you have no long term interest in. You will only be wasting both of your time.

Download the entire chapter on Rule #4 on Kindle here

Tara Richter

Tara Richter is a Dating Coach in Tampa Bay. She is the author of “The Dating Jungle Series” and an Show Host.

Internet Dating Rule #3: Create an Alluring Profile

29 Tuesday Oct 2013

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TaraRichterDatingCoach3Once you have decided on a dating website you are comfortable with, it’s time to get your profile together starting with the two most important, and often daunting, parts of online dating websites: the bio and photo.

Your bio section:

Be honest. Nothing is worse than a liar and although you may be able to fool people online about the type of person you are, if you are looking for a real relationship then eventually the truth is going to come out at some point. There’s no point in prolonging the process.

Keep your bio sweet and short—straight to the point. Format it into clear and concise paragraphs. Most people will just scan over this part rather quickly to get a general idea of whether or not you are someone they would be interested in. Don’t bore them.

5 points your bio should cover:

  1. What kind of relationship you’re looking for
  2. What you do for a living
  3. Whether or not you have kids
  4. Your activities/hobbies
  5. A non-neogitable or two that you have (don’t go overboard, but if you know for a fact you absolutely will NOT date a smoker—it’s okay to mention that)

Also, make sure you are being conscious of your tone. For example, don’t be sarcastic. Be yourself, but don’t let the bio section turn into an area where you vent about past relationships or how you believe there are no longer any decent people out there!

Your profile photo:

This is where many people go wrong. Joining a dating website can make you feel vulnerable, like you are putting it all out there. Adding a picture of your face doesn’t help that feeling. But do not try to cut corners in this section because if you are insecure about your looks or try to use a distorted photo, this will only backfire.

Make sure the picture is clear, in focus and UP TO DATE. Do not use a photo of you from 10 years ago. While you may think you look the same, other people may have a very different opinion. If you’re not sure, a safe rule of thumb is use a photo taken within the last six months.

Most of us are a little insecure to at least some degree, but if you are truly committed to meeting someone online, they are going to have to know what you really look like eventually. Why delay the inevitable?

Download the entire chapter of Rule #3 on Kindle here

Tara Richter

Tara Richter is an Internet Dating Coach in Tampa Bay. She is the author of “The Dating Jungle Series” and an Internet TV Show Host.

Internet Dating Rule #2: Find the Right Website For You

22 Tuesday Oct 2013

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Tara QR CodeThere are an overwhelming amount of dating websites available to try; the key is finding the one that is right for you. Many people falsely believe all dating websites are the same. Actually, there are significant differences between them and doing some simple research will help narrow the list down to sites you may actually enjoy using (which will save you both time AND money!).

Before you dive into the Internet Dating Jungle, it is a good idea to make sure you understand some of the commonly used terminology.

Some examples include:

  • SWF – Single White Female
  • SWM – Single White Male
  • WSW – Woman Seeking Women
  • MSM – Man Seeking Men
  • MSW – Man Seeking Women
  • WSM – Woman Seeking Men
  • LTR – Long Term Relationship
  • BBW – Big Beautiful Woman
  • NSA – No Strings Attached

As you can see, it can get confusing… fast! (You can view a much longer glossary of terms in the full version of my book.)

Some of the major dating websites you have probably heard of are:

  • PlentyofFish.com—a site that you are able to create a profile for free, has good functionality and offers a great instant messaging feature. Another favorable aspect about this site is the ability to block someone.
  • Match.com— This is definitely not one of my personal favorites. Not a fan of the layout & functionality of their site, the stir events they offer are not fun and, above all, you have to pay to be a member (which I don’t agree with because, as I discuss in my book, it is generally the same people on these dating websites).
  • Eharmony.com—When it comes to this site, I advise people to be particularly weary of their “patented matching technology”. You answer a bunch of questions about yourself and the software matches you with guy/girls who answer similarly. The problem with this is that just because you answer questions alike does not mean you have chemistry.
  • OKCupid.com—Another site that is completely free, user-friendly and modern, OKCupid has plenty of easy to use features such as your profile to showcase information about yourself and functional instant messaging capabilities.
  • Zoosk.com— Do not let their self-acclaimed “free website” fool you. They are not free. Although you are able to upload a picture of yourself and create a profile, you will not be able to message anyone (and isn’t that the point?).

This is just skimming the surface of dating websites out there. There are also a ton of niche-targeted sites like Sugardaddie.com and ChristianMingle.com aimed at people with a particular interest in mind. As you can see, there are a lot of pros and cons with each website. How much you will enjoy using one, and how much success you will have on one, though, largely depends on what you are looking for. An important thing to remember is not to waste your money on the paid sites—not without, at least, testing the free- trials to see if you like what you get.

Also, don’t get disappointed if on the first website you join you don’t speak with anyone worth your while. Be patient; online dating is like traditional dating—it takes a couple (er, sometimes a lot) of tries before you get it right.

Download the entire chapter on Rule #2 on Kindle here

Tara Richter

Tara Richter is a Dating Coach in Tampa Bay. She is the author of “The Dating Jungle Series” and aShow Host.