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Say you’ve dated someone for maybe just a few dates and are not sure about them quite yet. Or perhaps you’ve been dating for 6 months, or maybe you’ve been married for a couple of years, and things are starting to get rocky. Do I stay and work it out or do I leave? When you get stuck in the situation, sit down some place quiet. pros-cons1

Get a blank piece of paper and pen. Fold the paper in half the long way, and then write on the left side “Good” and on the right “Bad.” On the “Good” side, write down all of the qualities of the person for whom you are having doubts, such as attentive, affectionate, intelligent, listens, likes to travel. Any quality that you think is a good quality that you want in a partner. Then on the “Bad” side, write down qualities that you don’t like so much about them. Examples: He has wandering eyes, lies, disrespects you, still hands out with his ex, et cetera … any quality that you don’t like.

Try to stay away from superficial qualities. I know those can be good or bad qualities, but try to stay focused on actual behaviors, characteristics and qualities in the person.

Hoping that your pros and cons list ends like Miranda’s does —