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Unhappy coupleI’m writing this blog after being on the Josh Tolley Radio Show and us discussing how to heal a broken heart. As Josh stated the broken heart is usually because of the way the relationship ended, which is very true. If we had better communication skills and treated others, especially our partners, with love and respect there would be less heartache. He suggested I write about how people should break up. I think it’s a great topic. I have briefly touched on it in the past, but I think it’s an issue worth revisiting.

When you decide the person you have been dating, in a relationship with or married to for however many years, just isn’t working, you owe it to them to have an open honest conversation. You should start talking about it as soon as you are having feelings of uncertainty.  Of course most people don’t. They instead talk about it with their friends, family or co-workers. When you venture outside of the relationship for emotional support, in a way, you are emotionally cheating on your partner.

You should be able to share your feelings openly and freely with your lover. They are supposed to be with you through thick and thin. If they won’t listen to your feelings or refuse to communicate with you, this could be a reason why you are thinking of breaking up. However, if you haven’t even tried to talk about your concerns, start their first and see what happens.

Many times when we are going through problems in our heads we make them out to be something bigger than what it really is. Once we talk about it with the person we are having the issue, it may completely diffuse itself and save your relationship. Give your partner the chance to at least know what’s going on inside you. Keep them in the loop.

If that still doesn’t work and you do want to end the relationship, be honest with them as to why. Don’t just pack up your stuff and leave in the middle of the night; for them to wake up clueless as to what happened. Then they are left holding a broken heart and a bag of questions. Why? What happened? What did I do wrong? Why me?

Be an adult and have that difficult conversation, it will save a whole lot of drama down the road. Even if it was someone who you only dated for a few months. If you decided they are just not the one for you, don’t vanish to the island of lost men and avoid their phone calls and text messages. Be a man, answer their questions.  When people leave lovers high and dry with no explanation, that’s when perfectly normal men and women go psychotic. Cars get keyed, Clothes thrown on the lawn, or someone may put on adult diapers an drive across country to find you.

This momentary lapse in judgment is because the person doing the severing of the relationship without communication is tapping into your rejection and abandonment issues that are deep seeded inside your subconscious mind.  Every time that you have ever been rejected bubbles up to the surface. All your issues:  from that one time mom left you at kindergarten all alone by accident, your father leaving the family due to divorce, to your first boyfriend or girlfriend dumping you, etc. So it’s no wonder people go crazy.

Your inner child is feeling hurt and sad, so you act out to defend yourself and your ego. A fight or flight response to protect yourself from more harm. If instead the person leaving sat you down and had a heart-to-heart conversation so you could understand their feelings and you both could communicate openly, it would go much smoother. In fact you could still be friends and not have to dodge each others favorite hang outs and friends.  Yes, feelings may still be hurt, but at least you gave them an opportunity to have a say in the matter.

Just remember to treat others with love and respect and they most likely will do the same in return.

Tara Richter
Tara Richter is an Internet Dating Coach in Tampa Bay. She is the author of “The Dating Jungle Series” and an Internet TV Show Host.