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desiree hartsockAnd the Bachelorette is… Desiree! She had her heartbroken by Sean when he kicked her to the curb in lasts season of the Bachelor. She should consider lucky however, because she didn’t have to accompany him to Dancing with the Stars and pretend to smile through his awkward dancing skills.

So now it’s her time to find reality love! She’s got an interesting crew to choose from. One guys in a Knight in Armor costume, I guess he believe in safe sex? Another one comes in half naked. Granted he did have nice abs, but could you ever take him seriously after that? Then the creepiest guy who kept trying to take her away to the fantasy suite. Really? That’s a first. I gotta give the guy props though for trying to get laid within the first hour of the show. I mean hey, you never know right? Unfortunately he got the boot even before the rose ceremony started. He should of been smart and put some roofies in her wine, then he could of swept her off her feet and dragged her into the suite. That’s an interesting point though. If you have sex before the finale episode, does that mean you automatically win? Maybe we’ll have to ask ABC on those fine details within the rules.

So here’s a break down of this seasons hunky funky cast members who maybe lucky enough to end up with a ball and chain at the end of this season :

Ben: 28, Entrepreneur (bum) He waltzed in with his son to win points with Desiree.

Brad: 27, Accountant/DJ (Nerd by day, parties by night)

Brandon: 26, Painting Contractor (likes to play with play dough)

Brain: 29, Financial Advisor (likes to play with other peoples money)

Brooks: 28, Sales and Marketing (likes to flirt with people to make money)

Bryden: 26, Iraq War Vet (so I guess he’s retired now sipping margaritas on the beach?)

Chris: 27, Mortgage Broker Time it takes to get ready for a big night: 20 minutes (It takes you that long?! ABC is asking these questions not me.)

Diogo: 29 Marketing Manager. Ultimate Date: Horseback ride on the beach. (Really? That never happens. I’ve lived in Fl for 11 years and have never ONCE saw any horses on any beaches ever.)

Drew: 27, Digital Marketing Analyst Shoe Size: 11.5 (Every guy has their shoe size listed on ABCs bio. What for? Is Desiree going to start putting glass slippers on the guys instead of giving them roses? Do the women’s bios have cup & bra sizes?)

James: 27, Sales. Favorite Author: Dr. Seuss. (Well it’s a good thing he’s cute since his reading level is only that of a 5 year old)

Jonathan: 26, Attorney. Three Best Attributes: Height, shoe size, vertical leap. (Huh? Those are your best attributes? How did you manage to make it through law school and pass the bar? Sounds like the Olympics was your calling.)

Juan Pablo: 31, Pro Soccer Player. Favorite Book: Don’t Read. (LOL I can’t make this shit up. It’s a good thing he’s hot and has a sexy accent and knows how to play with balls.. oops that would be good for the other team 😉

Kasey: 29, Advertising Executive. Tattoos: None (Wow first guy with NO tattoos I think I’m in love.)

Larry: 34, ER Doctor. Personality Style: Creepy

Micah: 32, Law Student. Shoe Size: 9.5 (uh oh that’s the smallest size of all the guys! Does Desiree know this??)

Michael G: 33, Federal Prosecutor, Shoe Size: 14 (Sorry Micah : / )

Mike R: 27, Dental Student/ Model (hmmm… does he model dentures?)

Mikey T: 30, Plumbing Contractor (he is so full of shit)

Nick M: 27, Investment Advisor (he likes pissing away other people’s money)

Nick R: 26, Magician & Tailor (Desiree did a a magic trick and made him disappear)

Robert: 30, Advertising Entrepreneur  Biggest Date Fear: A giant piece of spinach in teeth (Ewww, I would dump you if you should up to my date with green in your teeth.)

Will: 28, Banker. What is the best date you have ever been on in the city you live in, and why? I like taking my dates to the gym to work out with me because it tells me a lot about their work ethic and daily habits. (Ok now I know why he’s still single! I would never put on gym clothes on a date and get hot n sweaty unless it involved the bedroom.)

Zack K: 28, Book Publisher (I LOVE HIM! Lets just get married already.)

Zak W: 31, Occupation: Drilling Fluid Engineer (hmm what kind of fluids does he drill for? With abs like that I bet he can drill pretty far)

Tara Richter
Tara Richter is an Internet Dating Coach in Tampa Bay. She is the author of “The Dating Jungle Series” and an Internet TV Show Host.