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Dog Bone on White.When you’re out in the dating jungle as a strong alpha female, sometimes you have to throw a man the bone. By this I don’t mean treat them like a dog, even though some guys deserve it, not all guys, but yes some are dogs. I’m talking about something different.

When you’re out with your girlfriends at a bar or nightclub and you see the guy across the way that keeps starring at you, yet won’t come over and make the first move. You’ve given him all the signals, flipping the hair, direct eye contact and flirting. Yet he’s still nervous. He may even be standing right next to you, starring at you but won’t say anything.

This man may be intimidated, shy or not used to approaching a strong woman. There are the small majority of men that will approach a confidant woman without any signals from her at all. He just goes all in because he wants to talk to her and he has the self-esteem to do so. Other men need a little reassurance before making the plunge into uncharted territory.

So lately I have been practicing what I like to call “Throw the man a bone.” If I’m out somewhere and I see a man checking me out more than a few times, and he has not made the move, I will throw him a bone. I do this by asking him something. Such as I was out at Blue Martini in Fort Lauderdale the other weekend and my girlfriend and I were up at the bar ordering a drink. The guy standing next to me looked like a taller bigger version of Vin Diesel. He kept looking at me, but wouldn’t say anything.  There was an awesome electronic violist playing up behind the bar and I leaned over to the guy and said, “This guy is pretty cool, does he play here often? I’m from Tampa so I haven’t been here before.” I threw out the bone.

It was enough for him to open communication and start a discussion. Sometimes even if a guy thinks you are attractive they are scared to initiate contact, even when you have given them the nonverbal cues its ok to do so. Some men do not pick up on this. The male editor of my first book loved my last two chapters when I discussed the art of flirting. He put it in the note section, “I wish I would have read this book 10 years ago before I was married. I had no idea women were flirting with me back when I was dating.”

Women give men the non-verbal come hither signs. Yet many of the men do not pick up on them. Then you have the douche bags that come over and kiss you on the face without your permission. It’s the good guys that misinterpret our signals or maybe take too long to pick up on them. Then you’re stuck on the dance floor with sweaty, gross guy who won’t take his hands off your ass.

If you see a guy who you think might be worth talking to more and he keeps checking you out, throw him a bone and see if he takes the bait. Once you open the lines of communication you never know where the night might lead.

Tara Richter
Tara Richter is an Internet Dating Coach in Tampa Bay. She is the author of “The Dating Jungle Series” and an Internet TV Show Host.