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Portrait of businessmanDuring a great networking event last night in Tampa, I witnessed a woman doing everything wrong in the dating jungle. After an all day workshop learning from leaders in the industry there was an after party in Ybor. Alcoholic beverages were flowing and articulate conversations were dancing on intellectual tongues. I heard in the distance a man mention my radio show, so I went over to join the conversation. Two minutes later, the woman he was discussing it with, blurted out to me that she wanted to take him home & bang his brains out. He & I immediately turned to one another with a look of Scooby Doo, “Huh.”

If she was looking for shock factor she definitely achieved it. However, I don’t think that’s what she was going for. I immediately responded with, “Dating Coach says no.” She responded that she needed to get laid, it’s been a year & a half because she’s going through a divorce.

This is a pure example of why you need to take time off to heal your wounds while you’re going through a difficult divorce/ break up. Otherwise you’ll have one too many cocktails at a networking event and end up humping a dating coach’s leg. (Yes, that happened that night as well. Good thing most of the people had already left the bar.)

She’s a hot mess. I know because I have been in her shoes before. I was a hot mess during & about six months after my divorce. I tried to date & I realized I was nowhere near being emotionally ready for a relationship. So I quit going out to bars trying to drown my sorrows in martinis & men. I instead focused on writing my books, healing my wounds & making rules for myself to stick to. I like structure & I think when you’re going through an emotional difficult time, structure is good to follow. It gives you something of purpose that tells you what to do during an upheaval of your life. Having something solid to hold onto can help you know that there is a light at the end of a tunnel.

Now many people protest with me that their divorce has taken a year and a half to finalize, they’re healed & ready to move on. I say take another year off once you get the final piece of paper from the judge, because that’s another huge emotional slap in the face. You are going to need time to recover from that as well. In the long run, what’s another year to better you in the scope of an entire life span of 85 years? This woman also protested with me that she was healed. Does going up to a world renown speaker at a high status networking event & telling him (and to everyone for that matter) that she wants to bang his brains out, then humping my leg sound like she’s emotionally sound to date? Dating Coach says no.

With that being said once she is ready to date, snatching up a successful business man is a fine art. You can’t just lay the platter out for him right in front of his face. These men are creatures who have busted their butts and overcome most odds to be in a highly respected place. They love to overcome all obstacles, it’s in their DNA.

An easy woman who places no challenge to him is boring. He wants someone to push him mentally, physically, emotionally & spiritually. Yes, dating is partially a game & you need to know how to play it. Think of men as different levels of card games.  Some card games are simple and require no skill, such as War or 52 card pick up. Then there are mid-level games with some skill like 21. Subsequently there are top level poker tournaments that require high level strategy. These types of events would not allow 52 card pick up to participate in the competition because there’s no skill to it. If you want to be with a top poker champion, you have to learn how to play their game. Don’t be the woman with all her cards showing on the floor at once. Play the game.  Place bets even if you don’t have a Royal Flush in your hands, because it will make him want to raise the stakes and think you are worth staying in the game for.

Tara Richter
Tara Richter is an Internet Dating Coach in Tampa Bay. She is the author of “The Dating Jungle Series” and an Internet TV Show Host.