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Couple in CondominiumIt’s never easy when you make the decision to break up with someone. Doesn’t matter how long you’ve been with that person. What makes it even harder is when there’s not a major wrong doing to cause it. It’s easier when your lover has cheated, lied or done something that an obvious reason to move on. However, when you know it’s more or less that this person is just not the one you want to go the distance with, the decision is much more difficult. It may vary anywhere from you just don’t have much in common, your personalities conflict, your life plans differ or one wants kids and the other doesn’t. None of these are huge altering things, besides possibly the children part. Nonetheless, the more time you spend with Mr. Ok for Now, leaves you less time to find Mr. Right for You.

You can utilize certain rules to find out if this person is the one for you in my previous blog “The Dating Rule of 3 Strikes You’re Out”. Sometimes it’s easier to utilize certain milestones to know if you are on the right path or not. You want to find the one who will make you happy from here to eternity. If you are just stuck in a mundane routine type of relationship, time may go by quickly and 2 -3 years pass by then you realize they are just not the one for you.

You need to look at the qualities that you want in a life partner. If you are having conflicts with certain behaviors early one, it’s not a good sign. Examples of this would be one person is extroverted and wants to go out and socialize all the time and the other person is introverted and shy. It’s difficult because one thrives on social interactions and the other would rather stay home and play video games. Its’ going to get old really quickly. Or if one person has lots of goals and ambition and the other one is possibly slower to achieve. Kind of like the hare and the tortoise. A go-getter is going to have a hard time relating to someone who’s more happy-with-the-way-things-are type of personality. Or maybe the issue is one person is a health nut and the other person is a couch potato. It’s not that any of these qualities are super bad, but it can cause conflict. Possibly it’s not that big of a deal your lover eats fast food all day & you prefer tofu, but it may be an issue down the road when you have kids and you want to instill healthy eating habits and he just wants to order pizza.

Some things you can live with and others you cannot. You have to decide what you can and what will make you happy with your partner. I don’t think everyone needs to be 100% exactly the same to get along, but the more similar personalities in some sense will help dissolve conflicts down the road. Keep in mind people do change, but don’t get involved with someone on the hopes of changing them. People only change because they want to, not because someone else nags them to. If you see differences within your personalities and want to try to go the distance, do so with that person exactly how they are right here and now. If anything people are putting forth their best foot in the beginning of the relationship. Once they get comfortable they’ll let themselves slide. So if you’re not happy with their personality/ or personal habits now it probably won’t get better. Either learn to live with it, or move on.

Tara Richter
Tara Richter is an Internet Dating Coach in Tampa Bay. She is the author of “The Dating Jungle Series” and an Internet TV Show Host.

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