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Lovng coupleWhen you first start dating someone, it really doesn’t really matter who initiates the conversation of becoming exclusive. You should definitely have the monogamy talk either before having sex with your partner or shortly thereafter. There is really no time frame of when you should have the talk. But more or less when you feel comfortable and you know that you don’t want to date anyone else. Definitely not after the first date because that’s too soon and way creepy. Then it depends on how often you are seeing each other. Are you only going on one date every other week, one date a month, or do you see the person two – three times a week?

You want to make sure that you do bring up the conversation of being monogamous especially after having sex with your significant other. You don’t want to assume exclusivity, though sometimes as women we do. That’s a mistake, just because you have sex doesn’t mean the other person is going to commit to you. In every relationship you have to accept that everyone is dating other people until you have that exclusivity conversation.  You have to bring it up in person so you know that both of you are on the same page and there’s no confusion. If you avoid the uncomfortable conversation your feelings and heart can be broken if you just assume you are monogamous and then find out that your partner isn’t. But without the conversation you’re assuming your partner is able to read your mind, in reality they cannot, so really you only have yourself to blame.

However, having the exclusive talk should not be uncomfortable with the right person. If during the conversation you feel uneasy and unsure of yourself, it could be that the person you’re having it with is reluctant to be exclusive with you. At that point you should wonder why you want to be relationship with somebody who does not want to be in one with you? You deserve to be with someone who wants to make you their center of attention and does not want to share their love with anyone else. If you’ve spent a lot of time with this person, having sexual relations and they still do not want to see you exclusively; you should dump them, move on and find someone who will.

Tara Richter
Tara Richter is an Internet Dating Coach in Tampa Bay. She is the author of “The Dating Jungle Series” and an Internet TV Show Host.