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As my roommates and I watched the political debate last night, we had our own important debate in my living room. How much weight do you place on sex in your relationship? We had three different opinions: one coming from a divorced 35 year old female who’s currently in a relationship, a divorced 50 year old single female and a single 28 year old male.

My roommate who is older says that sex is overrated. Her and her ex-husband of whom she was married to for 20 years, waited for at least eight weeks prior to testing it out between the sheets. To her if sex wasn’t good and she loved the man that’s enough for her. Then she went on to say one of her girlfriends waited two years until marriage to have sex, then found out he had a small penis, but she’s still married and happy. Well I’m happy for her. She took one for the team and off the market so I don’t have to encounter him on POF.

Seriously though, I couldn’t be with a person if the sex sucks. It’s not all of the relationship, but it’s a big chunk of the pie. As I described in my chart, I feel sex contributes 25% to the overall relationship. We are all human beings who have animalistic needs. If you’re needs are not being met by your partner or you suppress them, that’s when bad things happen.

My male roommate whose 28 agrees with my philosophy more than the 50 year old, maybe it’s a generation gap issue? I think I’m just being more realistic here. People have sex. People want good sex. Though, everyone’s definition of that differs. So it’s more or less important to find someone with whom you’re compatible with in that department. You have to experiment until you find that. I’m sorry but waiting until your married isn’t going to help you there. Those old fashion days are behind us. I would cry on my wedding night if I waited two years to find out I was never going to have another orgasm unless it was with a battery operated device.

I believe in order for a relationship to flourish you need to have all the pieces of the pie full. When one is missing you feel off balanced. With my marriage at first sex was the whole pie and we weren’t doing well on the other parts. Then when the sex part started to crumble everything else went crashing down too. It sort of held things together with bandages, but wasn’t enough on its own to last for long.

When were not intimate and sexually involved with our partner and we put that part on the back burner, we are distancing ourselves from one another. The only thing that makes a marriage or romantic relationship different than a friendship is that sexual intimate bond. It’s that special something we share with only one another. When that part is left unattended then it feels like you’re just two roommates, living together and splitting bills.

Tara Richter

Tara Richter is an Internet Dating Coach in Tampa Bay. She is the author of “The Dating Jungle Series” and an Internet TV Show Host.