, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

My best friends and I have had, to say the least, our fair share of unhealthy relationships. Even though these things happen to you, you need to keep a positive outlook on life.  Being negative, the victim or just sitting around thinking, “oh woo is me “attitude, isn’t going to get you anywhere fast. My girlfriend and I like to do what we call cleansing places. When you’re in a relationship with someone you do a lot of things together. After the relationship is over, bad memories linger like ghosts haunting the places you used to have fun at with that person. Sometimes it’s too hard to go back to your favorite restaurant where you had your anniversary dinner. Every time you think of it, memories dance in your head of the fun you used to have and it becomes too painful to go back.  Though you can’t avoid everything all of the time unless you move towns or states.

Instead of avoiding everything like the plague, try cleansing places. What my girlfriend and I would do for example is, I love the Melting Pot. That’s where my x-husband proposed to me, where we had our first Valentine’s Day dinner and also an Anniversary dinner. Obviously the Melting Pot brings up a lot of memories and ghosts that I don’t want to have any more. Though, I don’t want to take it out on the restaurant and I still want to be able to go there and enjoy myself.

In the act to cleanse the Melting Pot, I invite a bunch of friends and have a girl’s night out. Eating melted chocolate, drinking wine and having a great time. Cleanse the bad memories with new fun memories. Now when I think of the Melting Pot I remember the fun I had with my girlfriends and not the lingering ghost of my ex-husband.

Another example:  my girlfriend had a bad date at a night club called Sheppard’s in Clearwater Beach. It was an awful date to say the least. They went out for dinner at Frenchies, she left her car there and he drove them over to Sheppard’s where they were drinking and dancing. He started talking to some other girl, she got upset of course. Then she danced with him, left to go to the bathroom and he disappeared. She walked around for an hour calling and texting him. She couldn’t find him anywhere. She ended up walking almost a mile to her car at 3am all by herself and drove herself home.

What a dick, right? What kind of man ditches his date and leaves her vulnerable like that all by herself? Now that place is full of bad memories and every time she goes there she’s haunted by the jerk that ditched her. In order to cleanse the place of bad memories we’re going to get all dressed up hot and sexy, dance all night long and let the men drool all over us! Making great memories with great friends and putting the past to rest!

I recommend cleansing places for everyone. I think it’s a good healing process when any relationship ends. One of the hardest thing to get over is the fact that you spent most of your time with your ex. Every time you go out you’re constantly reminded of things you did together. It makes it that much harder to get over someone. You can eat at this restaurant because that was your first date. Going to that movie theater is painful because you saw your favorite movie there together. Eating sushi breaks your heart because he used to make it for you. Whatever the situation is, write them down. Whatever haunts you with ghosts of your previous relationship, make a list. That will be your cleansing list. Then decide what you’re going to do to make new good memories instead.

It’s fun to do and a reason to get people together. Have cleansing parties. It will help your mind, body and soul. Healing the past and moving on with your future. Pretty soon you’ll go back to those favorite places you went to together and the ghosts will be gone completely. You won’t even realize it.  That’s when you know you’ve healed your heart and moved on.

Tara Richter is an Internet Dating Coach in Tampa Bay. She is the author of “The Dating Jungle Series” and an Internet TV Show Host.