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This is a big topic of conversation in the dating world, mostly important to women. Obviously men wouldn’t wait two minutes after meeting someone they like to jump in the sack. Yet for women, we are usually the ones who have to instill some restraints.

Then the question arises, how long do you wait? Some people say the third date is the sex date, yet how well do you really now someone after three dates? Other women have a time frame of 30 days until that comes into play. Patti, from the Millionaire Match Maker on Bravo, says you have to first define monogamy with both partners before jumping into bed.

That is another entirely separate conversation, when is it defined as monogamy? Do you have the “talk” and then sex for monogamy? Or do you have sex then it defines you as monogamous? What comes first, the chicken or the egg? Unfortunately most women think once you have sex you are monogamous, though for most men, it’s just sex. Feelings get hurt when there is no open communication and you just assume.  It’s not a comfortable talk it makes you feel like you’re back in grade school. Will you be my girlfriend? Circle yes or no.

A fellow blogger was reading the book by Steve Harvey “Straight Talk, No Chaser: How to find, keep and understand a man.” (You can read her blog here). Steve Harvey says a woman should wait 90 days prior to having sexual encounters with a man. I agree with his philosophy behind it, that it’s going to take that long to find out if a man is really interested in you. Though, 90 days, that’s a long time! Shoot my ex-husband couldn’t handle more than 12 hours! So how do we know while making him wait 90 days that he’s not screwing other women in the meantime?

If we wait three whole months while dating someone to make sure they are the person we want to “share our cookies with” what if the sex sucks when we do have it? Then we have just wasted three months with a man who will never give us an orgasm. Sex isn’t everything in a relationship, but it’s a big piece of the puzzle. I cannot spend the rest of my life with a man with whom there is no sexual chemistry.

So what do you think, how long should we wait before having sex?

Tara Richter

Tara Richter is an Internet Dating Coach in Tampa Bay. She is the author of “The Dating Jungle Series” and an Internet TV Show Host.