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These two words have very different meanings and different connotations.  I had a recent discussion with a man I’m dating about how these words used as adjectives to describe women have varied results. When a man refers to me as hot, I get the sense that he only cares about my outer appearance and his basic goal is just to get me into bed. Hot refers to more of a sexual desire or longing for a woman. Whereas if a man calls me beautiful, it makes me feel that he desires my brain, personality, and overall being as well as my looks. You can be beautiful inside and out. I’m not sure if you can be hot inside and out. I suppose you could if you have the flu and a fever over 100 degrees. Though, that wouldn’t be very attractive to anyone.

The next time you’re out on a date conversing with a woman, or even approaching a woman over the internet, pay attention to the verbiage you use. I get turned off when a guy’s first email to me on an internet dating website is, “Wow you’re so hot.” Ok great, but did you even take the time to read my profile? Of course you can compliment a woman, but we want to know you care more about what’s on our inside versus what’s on the outside. Start the conversation with talking about something she’s interested instead of her appearance. Taking the time to find out what she’s into shows you care more about her than just getting into her pants and that will win you brownie points.

Tara Richter is an Internet Dating Coach in Tampa Bay. She is the author of “The Dating Jungle Series” and an Internet TV Show Host.