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When meeting someone for the very first time, especially from the internet, it’s key to keep it short & sweet. Usually within about a few minutes of laying eyes on your potential mate, you can tell if you are going to want to see that person again. The only thing is you have no idea if they feel the same way. This isn’t superficial in anyway as some people may think. You do not need hours of conversation to determine if there will be a second date in your future. It’s all about chemistry, pheromones and all those subconscious, underlying, mysterious things that we don’t quite understand. You are either attracted to someone or you are not. Plain and simple. There’s either chemistry or there isn’t. You can try to force the issue if you just really think this is the person you should be with because they’re smart, witty, funny, charming, drive a nice car & have a decent job. Though, if there’s nothing to make the blood flow within your insides, it probably will never happen. Forcing the issue just causes bad break ups & hurt feelings down the road. Maybe you’re totally into your date & they are not reciprocating. Would you want to make them suffer through an entire day of plans? Dragging them from place to place, trying to make polite conversation, yet it just feels awkward & neither party wants to admit it?

Keep your first dates short and sweet. Meeting for coffee is a great way. For one it shouldn’t take more than 30 mins to drink a cappuccino. That will give you plenty of time to decide if there’s something more with this person you want to pursue. If there isn’t, then it’s an easy way out. You have errands to run, it was nice meeting you & it was only a couple of bucks out of your pocket. I believe coffee dates are much more effective in the dating process versus happy hour dates. I know lots of people like to meet for happy hour, you’re nervous; a glass of wine will calm your nerves.

Though, alcohol along with letting down your inhibitions also blurs your judgment.  One drink turns into 3 or 4, before you know it you’ve got a great buzz going on. This guy is fantastic, or so you think. He’s making you laugh, he’s good looking & saying all the right stuff. Your mind starts to swirl of what a cute couple the two of you make. The RSVP card with his name down as your plus one to your friend’s upcoming wedding is being filled out. He walks you to your car & gives you an amazing first kiss, it makes your knees buckle. The date for tomorrow night is already being scheduled in-between pecks.

Next date comes, as you gaze at him from across the table, his acne on his face is way more prevalent tonight. The jokes come off as more condescending, as he continuously interrupts you. You wonder if this is an evil twin who switched places with your date? Nope, because last night was booze induced chemistry, not real chemistry. Real chemistry happens between two people without any other recreational drugs. Though it may feel like your high, yet you are only high on love & isn’t that the best feeling of all? That drug is free. The only side effects maybe long lasting relationship with spouts of dirty diapers.

Tara Richter

Tara Richter is an Internet Dating Coach in Tampa Bay. She is the author of “The Dating Jungle Series” and an Internet TV Show Host.