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I’m sure most people are familiar with the popular ABC’s show The Bachelorette. My girlfriends and I all tune in on Monday nights to watch and see what happens. Texting each other during the show, “I can’t believe he just said that!” It’s definitely entertaining for me to watch real live dating on television since I have written a dating book and constantly blog about my dating experiences. It’s fun sometimes to watch other people endure what I’m also going through. Of course their backdrops are off in the vast lands of Prague or dining in a castle, where mine usually take place in Starbucks.  I’ve always pondered if these shows really do flourish genuine love? I think it would be difficult since each date is so elaborate with international destinations, candle lit secluded areas and the bachelorette adorned in sequined evenings gowns. Come on, let’s get real. Whose first date EVER involves an evening gown or such gorgeous scenery?  Plus with all this hoopla going on, how do you really get to know the person across the table from you? One big rule this show breaks is not allowing the man to plan the date. When the man plans the date you really get a feel for what he’s into or how he would court you. All subtle things from what shoes he would wear, what restaurant he would pick and in what area of town. All these things play into what kind of man he is. When a guy asks you out to go canoeing, you know he’s into outdoor activities. Maybe you would love to do that on a first date, but not me. It’s going to get my Coach purse wet and my Steve Madden shoes all scuffed up climbing into that damn thing. So how does Emily Maynard know how these guys really are at home, in the everyday setting? It’s a lot of fluff to see through and not let your head get in lost in the production of it all.

With all that said, I do think Emily is doing a better job of keeping her head out of the clouds and her feet on the ground than some other Bachelors and Bachelorettes. She did finally give Ryan the boot, which I think we were ALL happy for. It’s easy to call out a jerk when you’re watching from the third person perspective. Much harder when you are the one he is sitting in front of, trying to get you to second guess your own intuition. Emily stuck to her guns and trusted herself, which I give her mucho kudos for.

The one guy that my friends and I have been baffled at for why he gets a rose every ceremony is Jef Holm. They just don’t look like they would be a match. He seems much younger than her, yet I think they are similar in age. With all these other alpha males going on dates and trying to win her heart, it’s hard to see where Jef fits into the puzzle. He was the one who took a good three dates or so to give her a first kiss. He seems more shy and reluctant than all the other guys who think they are the best man for Emily. Though, Jef is now in the last final four. All the other guys have shown they are very confident manly men who can protect her and make her feel special. Ari has even gone as far in the last episode of declaring his love for her. Though, she didn’t return it, so who knows what’s in the future for him.

As my girlfriend and I watched the last episode together and saw Emily and Jef lying on the floor of a library, it finally clicked in my head as to why she likes him so much. He discovered what her biggest passion and goal is in life. She wants to have a family and lots more kids. She’s not a gung-ho career women climbing the corporate ladder, she wants the white picket fence with tons of kids running around and to be June Cleaver. He actually listened to her when she would express this. It seems as though he also wants a family and the same things she does. He is also the only man who continually asks her about her daughter. He just found the key to her heart.  None of these other guys ever ask about her daughter or even about having a family from at least what the show airs. She feels connected to him because they want the same things from life. There could be 100 hot in sexy, tall, buff men around, but if none of those men can see or even care what makes you tick, they might as well be cardboard cut outs. They have no idea how to find the key to your heart or even use it for that matter. They get cocky like Ryan, think they are god’s gift to women and forget what it’s all about. It’s not about having the perfect trophy wife or husband; it’s about having a connection. Valuing someone for what’s inside not what’s on their outsides. Once you can connect with a person on that deeper level and really know what it is they want out of life, what makes them tick, that’s when the key fits and great things happen. Not everyone is going to have the same goals and aspirations and that’s fine, but you need to find that out first. So you can find someone who does if that’s important to you. Just don’t get stuck with someone who tries to fit you into their mold of what they want, like Ryan.

I look forward to finding out who Emily Maynard ends up being proposed to, but I do have a good hunch it will be Jef. Only a few more weeks to find out!


Tara Richter

Tara Richter is an Internet Dating Coach in Tampa Bay. She is the author of “The Dating Jungle Series” and an Internet TV Show Host.